William and Kate and Me

Are YOU watching the royal wedding? Victoria is! The following nuptial-spotting opportunities are on offer in my fair city:

• I could "Rise and Shine" with the Royals at the Fairmount Empress, watching the wedding ceremony at 3AM in pyjamas and robes
• I could Tea and Toast the royal couple at Point Ellice House, "Western Canada’s finest collection of Victoriana in its original setting", where wedding attire is encouraged but hardly required
• Or, I could forget about the wedding until hours after it's past, when someone snarks on a particularly ridiculous hat.

Clearly, the third option is the only one with any likelihood of happening. As much as I enjoy the Royals- and I have looked trough entire issues of Royalty Magazine at my Mom's hairdressers, so I must- I also feel like they are not to be encouraged. Especially when the UK is dropping lord knows how many pounds on a Royal love-in while raising tuition.

But maybe my latent lefty learnings will be smothered in a shower of pomp, circumstance and commemorative plates! If that happens, you can probably find me at Point Ellice House (I'm not posh enough for the Fairmount,) spiking my tea and drunkenly slurring that "Wills was mine, DAMN IT, until that slut Middleton stole him!"

And I'll do it all in gloves.