Spin Class: A One Act Feeeelm by Protagitron B. Protinski

Open on THE SPIN ROOM, your typical athletic room with wood floors and the MIRROR OF SHAME. Forty students are exercising on spin bikes. Facing them, is CAPTAIN PEPPY, a keen, but tiny, Asian man on his own bike. Track in to PROTAGITRON, sweating profusely.

CAPTAIN PEPPY
Come on ladies, PUSH IT!

PROTAGITRON
I hope you CHOKE on your [beep] pep, you [BEEP]ing [beep]sucking spawn of SATAN.

CAPTAIN PEPPY
Give it all you've got, guys! Go the extra mile!

PROTAGITRON
You suckled at Beelzebub's teat, didn't you?

CAPTAIN PEPPY
Alright, I want you to go even faster for the next thirty seconds, okay?

PROTAGITRON
One day I will fashion a charming scarf from your entrails, you SON of a-

Protagitron seizes up and clutches her chest

-heeeeack!

Protagitron falls off her bike and to the floor. One pedal bobs, as her left foot twitches sadly.

CAPTAIN PEPPY
Alright, now we're trekking up Mount Everest. Climb, everybody! Climb!

Track back out through the door. END SCENE.

Note: I actually do enjoy spin class. Shh.