Donna Martin Graduates; My Brother Follows

Sorry, another hiatus was undertaken. My beloved elder brother, the one who shot me in the face with a pellet gun and tackled a fellow football player who was heckling me, graduated from Carleton University today, and I simply had to go down and see my brother. I'm completely, un-ironically, proud of my brother today. He worked hard for this, and seeing him walk across the stage, handsome in his gown, and both older and younger than he's been in a long time... I got a little sad. My brother's moving on, moving up, moving out- and I wish him all the best.

As a fitting reward for a day of warm and fuzzy sisterly feelings, I came home to a message on the answering machine from John, the guy who's sub-letting our apartment in Montreal. The phone and Internet were down there, and he was sure that I had forgotten to pay the bills. Which, of course, sent me into twitches and tics, since I had made sure to pay of both bills. I don't even have a choice about paying my Internet bill! Bell invasively charges it directly to my credit card! After I ate an emergency donut, I checked my e-mail, and John had checked with Bell and both bills were paid in full. But I'm still vexed and annoyed, because I feel like it still reflects badly on me somehow, even though it is the work of that demon, Bell. And now there are no more donuts.

Bell strikes again.

Sunday Evening Blather

I would like to write that a bunch of exciting things happened in my whirlwind week without blogging, but the sad truth is that it was just work. There was my regular job as book bitch chez board office, and then my extracurricular activity of feeding the neighbour's cats and taking care of the house. One of the cats, Jade, is obese and toothless. She's my favorite, since we both have a thing for Bill Kurtis, and she'll cuddle up on the couch with me whenever American Justice is on. The other cat, Higgins, hates me. He has to be kept indoors when I'm cat-sitting, and blames me for this state. So, he pretty much just sits in front of the door, angrily meowing and plotting my death. That's right, my week was full of death threats from cats, and books.

Saturday was dull. The monthly summer vacation verbal throw down with the parents occurred like clockwork. I finished The Contract With God Trilogy, and thought about cleaning my room. One skein of Manos was wound into a ball, and I decided that was enough cleaning as I kicked a pile of books and magazines out of my way to the bed and the abandoned book on Canadian History I had checked out of the library.

By Sunday, I decided I had enough of the humdrum, and went to see the new Crystal building at the Royal Ontario Museum. I went with my design-keen buddy Ginger, so I could have a professional opinion, when mine are more of the "it's purdy" strain. The project has been somewhat controversial since Liebeskind won the design competition, with many people worrying that it wouldn't be practical, or wouldn't work with the charming old buildings of the ROM. The first projections I saw were a little shocking- it kind of looked like the ROM was being by integrated by the alien Crystlaaar, from Delta X-9. But I remembered all the times when a reviled sketch becomes a beloved icon on the skyline, and decided to shut up until I saw the thing in person. Well, I did. And I can report that I like it... initially. The interplay between the old building and the new is well-done, and the union between the two is much more harmonious than it is in pictures. Some parts, like cheap-looking plywood boards and noisy metal grates, looked worn or unfinished, but maybe there's still some work to be done. The silhouette on street level is stunning. However, I have a few reservations. I'm worried that the building will overwhelm the contents of the museum, since it's so distinctive- but with only one real exhibit installed it's hard to call right now. I'd also like to know how easy it is to work around the space (as the tour guide said, there are no right angles), when displaying collections, especially as accumulation inevitably occurs. And finally, I want to wait and see how the building will weather. I know they've probably spent millions testing it, and coming up with solutions for making a building that's 25% glass survive cranky Toronto winters, but the real proof comes in the middle of January ten years from now. Otherwise, shine on, you crazy crystal.

4 More Days of Stupidity: The Stupid Plague

Somewhere, I believe some supreme being looked up, and thought: "What Protagitron really needs right now is a case of mysterious hives."

I'm beginning to think that yesterday's enigmatic bruise and today's hives are the first few salvos in a series of signs designed to make me into a 21st century prophet. Tomorrow my nose will fall off, the next day Guelph will be consumed in a storm of brimstone and ash, and after that... three more terrible things will come to pass.

And I say unto this supreme being: I am not worthy. I can barely analyze the neo-conservative undertones of Rambo: First Blood Pt. 2. These things are just making me confused and irritable. Pick some one else, O Being, you won't regret it.

The mysterious hives came after my first day of work. I'm back at the same place I'm at every summer. Today, I was weeding books from libraries. It's not a terribly difficult job. The books titled "The Indian Children of North America", or "African Conquests" with a bunch of white dudes shooting an elephant from a boat, are tossed, for example. The worst part of the job is the dust. When you handle old, unused books for a while, your hands turn black with grime and dry out, leaving one looking like a wee Cockney street urchin. Of course, these days instead of being paid a tuppence a bun, you're more likely to be beaten into submission by frenzied parents wielding a bottle of Purell.

The Stupid Week: Stupid Injuries

I went to meet up with some old friends (and their new friends) for Ultimate Frisbee and a Barbecue. I read Strangers on a Train instead of moving, because I'm allergic to sweat. My doctor just refuses to believe me. Anyway, despite remaining as immobile and lichen-like as possible, I woke up this morning with a sizable bruise on my leg. It doesn't hurt that much, it's just perplexing. Where did it come from? How did it get there? And what kind of story can I come up to explain it and impress my peers?

Something that's resolutely non-stupid are the pair of Jaywalkers I'm working on. The yarn is Regia 4-ply in "Calgary", and the colours remind me of the buckets of Gerber daisies you see outside of florists. Which is a good thing, because the recipient adores Gerber daisies. Ding ding ding, the lucky recipient is my beloved roommate. Although, she's making time in Italy and England this summer, while I'm a prisoner in my hometown, a place where bus ads about workplace safety are taken down because one mother found them too graphic, and the fight over the pesticide ban limps on. Clearly, I deserve the damn socks. Screw you, my beloved Minnesotan!

Alright, I'm being too hard on Guelph. The knitting store is nice, the people are fine, and the farmer's market is reassuringly crunchy. Also, the good salsa is close by. I still wouldn't say no to a rescue team though.

Stupid Animals and Annoying Broken Hearts

I am fickle, I am selfish. I spoil my dog, and let my houseplants die. It made me angry would no one would adopt my foster cat, Oliver, but when I found out that somebody had it made me sad. Last semester, the Semester of Heck, I felt like Oliver. Nobody wanted him; nobody seemed to want me either. The thing was, he was hardly a perfect cat. His personality was somewhere between "dog" and "chubby stoner", but all his bizarre habits and quirks became my favourite things. He was my cat, and the longer no one wanted to adopt him, the more attached to him I became. For many reasons I had to go home for the summer, and for a handful I couldn't take him with me.

I tried to find him a home, but I guess I'll admit that part of me didn't want him to be adopted. I figured that if no one had wanted him from January to April, what was another four months? I'd save up money, cut myself off from the yarn stores and the book stores, and adopt the fat cat myself. It lasted for a month, and then I found out that someone had adopted him. Logically, I want to be happy. Someone wants him, he doesn't have to wait another three months for a home, his new place is probably bigger and nicer than our apartment. That's what my lovely and more balance room mate says. I try to tell myself that too. But I was selfish, and I wanted him for myself. Relationships with pets are a funny thing- they're supposed to be easier to work then ones with humans, particularly since they can't talk. But there are those funny times when they seem like something more, when it seems like a dog or cat can read your mind. You're probably reading too much into some dumb beast that's rolling around in some the remains of some other dumb beast while you have all these silly thoughts, but whatever. It works. Oliver was like that for me. I hope his new home loves him, takes care of him, and lets him wake them up at four in the morning by a paw to the head. And that they don't let him get too skinny. That was one of the things I liked best about him.

Stupid June

I just realized something today- my family doesn't communicate in full sentences. Instead, we grunt and mumble, and occasionally shout a few key words. I feel like we're regressing, and millenia from now, as the rest of humanity flits around in flying cars, with porn jacked into my heads, the terribly inbred descendants of my family will still be shuffling around our brick house, grunting out directives to each other, incredibly stunted and hairy. Like today:

Me: *mumble mumble* I BRING BAGS.
Mom: *grunts*
Me: Bags in BIG BAG.
Mom: *grunts*
Me: What?
Mom: If you have time *mumble* put bags AWAY. I need. *grunt* Bathroom.
Me: Okay.

The Monkey on My Back is Dead

Praise Jesus, or praise something, just praise that this thing is finally finished! If I had to knit one more row of intolerable garter stitch, I would have had to go to my friends, the Messrs J. Walker and J. Daniels, to make it through. After a few months of seemingly interminable garter stitch, the Log Cabin Baby Blanket is complete. Melissa better love it, and the soon-to-arrive Leo better appreciate a lovingly hand-knit, slaved-over blanket the only a way a baby can: by drooling over it.
Pattern: Log Cabin Blanket, by the folks at Mason-Dixon Knitting
Yarn: Koigu KPPPM in P127 (greens and blues) and P612 (reds and purples)
Koigu KPM in 2169 (deep purple)
Needles: Inox 3.00 mm circular needles
Notes: Since the pattern is more a general guideline than a strict pattern, I can hardly take credit for any changes. The blanket's about 33" roughly square, but I would have liked to have added another ring of blocks- but by that point I was running on scraps of the two multicoloured yarns, so nice. I must have woven in about fifty ends, so next time: Russian join everywhere. And I will try to bind off more loosely. Also: I will not knit a garter stitch blanket with fingering-weight yarn on 3.00 mm needles, because hopefully I've learned not to be a complete dumbass. Next time: Lion Brand Jiffy held doubled, on 20 mm needles, knit by Fred the robot.

I'm just glad this project is finally DEAD. Now where are those friends? I think a celebration is in order.

" I may be a liar, but at least I wasn't the only bitch in the room."

My guy Smitty, too damn cool to be a show dog.

Alright, so it's a day after my baby blanket pics were supposed to go up, and there is still no completed baby blanket up in this blog. Pour quoi? Because it's still an embarrassing mess of ends and slightly wonky borders, one I'm too ashamed to photograph and put up. I did finish the knitting, but I was convinced it was too small. I'm not very experienced in the ways of the baby, so I really had no idea what size a completed baby blanket should be. I felt it was a little small, and I would have added at least another round of log cabin blocks, but I was out of yarn. And one of the colours is discontinued. And frankly, sometimes trying to find another ball of a particular ball of current Koigu is such a pain in the ass that trying to find a discontinued skein would probably lead to a trip to the loony bin or maybe a trip to Michael's for some Red Heart and a stop at the bar. But after consulting the dimensions of the Big Bad Baby Blanket in Stitch 'n Bitch and the ever-helpful Frankie at the Stitch and Niche, I decided it would just be large enough, with some aggressive blocking. So, pictures tomorrow after all the fiddly ends are taken care of (note to self: Russian Join from here on in) and the whole thing is dunked in a bath.

And time for another confession: I went to a dog show today. No, I don't have any photographic evidence of this event, nor documentation of the elusive species known as the "Crazy Dog Show Fanatic", because I didn't bring my camera. For two reasons: my family came to help Smitty's breeder and lend moral support, which would have been difficult with a camera banging around, and secondly because dog show people are positively bonkers. Taking an unauthorized picture would have probably led to some snappish lady with an "I Love My Pembroke Welsh Corgi" t-shirt stabbing me in the neck with grooming shears. I did regret not taking my camera when I spotted an old man sleeping with his feet up next to a grooming table, where his Chow Chow was sleeping with one fuzzy paw stuck out. People who show dogs are usually seen as one rank below child pageant mothers on the weirdo scale, which isn't necessarily fair. Some, like Smitty's breeder, are nice and refreshingly sane. And then others, like some lady whose dog only won fourth, sit ringside telling their dog how they're "always the ugliest dog in the ring" and "so ugly". Which, two things, crazy lady: your dog can't understand English, and your dog is much better than that. Some one's the bitch in this scenario, and this time it's not the dog. Honestly, anyone want to try a canine rescue with me?

Drunk on Mint Julep Yarn

Last Friday, I had been getting tired of blogging about the same two projects. Fortunately, my boredom coincided with Mother's Day. And what better way to combine knitting, frugality, and daughterly devotion than a pair of hand-knit socks? My Mom wears all the socks I've made her religiously, even the pair that are accidentally different sizes. I decided to cast on for the Father and Son socks in the Fall'06 issue of Interweave Knits, since they have cables, a pattern with diagonal lines, all the things my Mother loves and that are easy enough to whip up. So, I cast on in some vintage Paton's Nylox 3-ply that had been marinating in the stash for a while. It was bought at a fly-by-night discount liquidation store that was open for all of a few months, a place where a stash of vintage 60s yarn appeared for some reason one day. A better daughter would have bought new yarn, or at least yarn of less... sketchy provenance. I learned my lesson when I realized, after the first chevron, that the yarn was just too damn thin for the pattern. It looked like hot, steamy ass, riddled with holes. I could have done the math and switched needles, but I told myself I couldn't spare time for math. I ripped it out, and decided to sacrifice some soft green Jawoll for my dear Mother. I had been saving it, selfishly, for a pair of delicate socks for myself, probably from Knitting Vintage Socks.

So, if my Mom is reading this, I hope we can both agree that this act of SELFLESS GENEROSITY makes up for all the hours of epidural-free labour I put you through, eh?

Because I love this yarn. Some people only knit with Koigu, and some swear by Lorna's Laces, but the Jawoll is for me. It's very soft, and delightfully squishy, and comes with an adorable spool of reinforcement thread in the middle of every skein. Those crafty and practical Germans. Now I don't want to give her the socks. Maybe I can give her some basic socks in Kroy and still call myself a devoted daughter... a week after mother's day, and with only 3/4 of a sock to show.

In all fairness though, I did start these only the night before I went to Toronto last Saturday. I got some knitting done on the bus, but the whole day was a rush. I went to H&M and clomped around the skinny and tall fashion queens, buying a seersucker halter dress and a white blouse. Then I met up with my friend Kat for bubble tea, and we went shopping some more. We went to Pages on Queen, where I bought some campus smut as a birthday present for a friend, and a Mother's Day card for my Mom. I had to go to Fluevog, of course, and there I tried on these Fiats, and couldn't help falling in love with them. Too bad they're way out of my price range, and the bank just won't give a loan for crimson patent leather flats. Then a bunch of other stores and lunch at the Rivoli, drinking Steamwhistle outside and being entertained by dancing Harajuku girl-wannabes. We went to Kensington Market, and I managed not to feed my vintage button addiction at Courage My Love. Kat bought vintage and new clothes, and I... looked at them. I even dragged her into Lettuce Knit, and (applaud my self-control here) only walked out with one Cookie A sock pattern, the German Stocking. I even remembered my Dad, and picked up an apple custard square for him at the bakery. Then I visited Kat's house over the Don Valley Parkway. After that, everything went Pete Tong, as the kids say, and after two hours of walking, half of which was spent being stupidly lost, I missed my bus by 15 minutes. Fifteen. Minutes. Just enough time to be famous, and just enough to have to leave an hour and a half later. If it had been VIA, I would have been able to catch the 8:00 train- when it lumbered in at 8:45.

So, not much knitting was finished as I stared out of my window at the 401, exhausted and wondering whether I should just move to Mississauga to make things easier. Then, a whole bunch of banal business throughout the week, including seeing Spider-Man 3, perhaps the most banal thing of all. Theaters: making the movie really loud will not detract from the reliance of the plot on the most useless butler of all time, Peter Parker's oily bangs of emo, and the general incoherency of every aspect of the movie. I've never been a huge fan of the Spider-Man series, but liked them well enough. This was a disappointment, however, and so much of it seemed like flailing on the director's part. Bruce Campbell's cameo as a french maitre d' overstays its welcome, shockingly proving that adding Campbell does not make everything better. It should, but it doesn't. Harry Osborn's character gave me whiplash with his constant reversal of mental health and motivation, largely represented by how much Scotch he swills. Both Bryce Dallas Howard and Kirsten Dunst get limited chances to act. Some of the fight scenes were fun, at least, and J. Jonah Jameson was still great. And hey- at least it was better than Batman and Robin. But that doesn't make things better for my green socks, abandoned and still only a sock after a whole week. At least I'll be able to show the finished log cabin baby blanket tomorrow, to take every one's mind off this sad state.

Busy Beaver

In the past few days, I've gone to Toronto, had a great time there, gotten lost on the way back to the bus station, walked around for two hours, then missed my bus by fifteen minutes, gone home, started a sock, and gotten vomitously sick. I'll write more tomorrow. Unless something else weird happens.