Did you read my blog, then wait on tenterhooks for what my first monthly resolution would be? I’m sure you did not, but in case you did… IT’S A CLEANSE.
Ha, not a chance.
I tried that once and ended it early, due to erotic dreams featuring hamburgers. However, my current monthly resolution is something equally cliched: a month of daily-ish yoga. Now, before you groan and picture another skinny white girl with a bouncy ponytail and a bouncy Lululemon-covered ass hustling off to class smoothie in hand, that’s… semi-accurate. I’m definitely white, and I own one item of Lululemon (but not the pants! My pants are a pair of $10 Old Navy legging specials!).
However, I am on the thicker side, and don’t take it all too seriously, so at least I’m subverting some expectations.
And I always go to class in the best of faith. It’s just that instead of concentrating on my breathing or my intentions, I tend to meditate on what I could be eating, if only class would end soon. Like: What kind of food? Where will I buy it? Oh crap, we’re moving into downward dog again. And exhale!
The instructors tell me to acknowledge the distraction and move on, but my mind still returns to sweet, seductive hamburgers. So why bother to go, if I can’t keep my mind off of meat? And let’s not ignore the uncomfortable layers of cultural appropriation and capitalism that have settled over yoga. Here I am, cutting off only the slice I want from a millenia-old tradition, and that piece only for my own benefit.
Because I’m going to yoga in the hopes it can teach me something about stillness. I’m a busy person. I talk fast and speak frantically, and I want to do a thousand things (even though I barely accomplish ten.) I’m also a person who can’t seem to keep my hungers in check. Like those vivid dreams of hamburgers I keep on talking about (I want a hamburger so badly right now and I’ve just been writing about them.) But I hunger for other things as well, and I would like to stop feeling so empty.
I don’t expect satisfaction in a month, and my yoga practice so far doesn’t indicate this is likely. I went to a class on January 1st, but my schedule since then has mostly involved YouTube videos. I’ve also decided to integrate days of rest, which has come in handy since I got sick. Even if I did have time for a class, I doubt the other students would appreciate me coughing loudly during shavasana. But once most of the viral/bacterial invaders are out of my bloodstream, expect me to be back. Thinking hungrily of cheeseburgers, once again.
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