"Try this..." I said, looking desperately around at all of the India pale ales, each probably hoppier than the last. "... Cranberry kolsch? I, uh, think there might also be a brown ale that's not too aggressive."
Perhaps my suggestions were poured out. Frankly, I was too busy pouring more beer to find out.
I had volunteered for Cask Days in a fit of cheery can-do optimism, the same optimism which has led me in to such undertakings as attending a knot-tying workshop and building a subpar birdhouse. Unfortunately, I had also decided to try volunteering at Canzine the same weekend. However, I managed to slot Canzine in on Saturday, Cask Days on Sunday, leaving little room for usual weekend activity of high-impact slothing.
So I reluctantly trundled off to Evergreen Brickworks, knowing that my SmartServe card would put me behind the casks. I was worried that would mean seven hours of making irritation-inducing judgment calls about people's sobriety, but it wasn't that bad. You could get a half-pint of beer for two tokens, or a quarter for one. With hundreds of casks to choose from - I worked in just half of the area dedicated to Ontario beers, and we still had at least fifty - increased quantity means diminished variety. People were forced into pacing themselves.
Not that I was much of a help picking which brews were worth a token. Volunteers got free admission on their day "off," but thanks to my other commitments, I missed my chance to sample the beers. I also missed my chance to have a medium-sized t-shirt, so I ended up working in an official Cask Days muumuu. People kept on asking me, perhaps because of the authority conferred by the muumuu, what I would recommend. And I kept on saying "Ha, well, I don't get to drink until five. But a lot of people seem to like the No Chance with Morana, or the Cream in Your Jeans." The guests were pretty patient with that, and I also leaned heavily on the knowledge of fellow volunteer Mike, whose encyclopedic knowledge of beer made me feel like a dedicated Smirnoff Ice drinker.
Staying sober meant I also had a lot of time to observe what worked and what didn't for breweries at Cask Days. First of all, dial it to eleven on the beer name. Cream in Your Jeans, Fangboner, and, well, Tranny With a Busted Leg - which I found problematic, but nobody asks beer muumuu girl - were my most popular pours. The outrageous names dared people to order them, if only for the pleasure of saying Fangboner in a public place.
If you can't be creative with the names, then try mixing up ingredients. Because it's the fall, pumpkin is king, but everyone's had enough typical pumpkin ales, so smoke it or brew it in a porter. Add fruit, add spices, age it in oak. If people made it all the way to the Brickworks, they're going to want to spend their money on something novel. Unless they're light beer drinkers, in which case they're grateful for anything drinkable.
I'm not complaining. I'm not a Barvarian purist - just an observer, hoping one of these experiments will become the next great beer style.
Still, when I was finally released from bending over the casks, I didn't go for a 10% stout. I didn't drink an APA with an IBU of 80+. There were no skittles in my brau. Instead, I cashed my free chips in on a simple honey pumpkin ale. The day was so nice I didn't feel like it needed anything more.
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