How's that going? Well, on Saturday I desperately started to talk about my boyfriend to avoid the topic of grad school, and this morning I burst into tears for no reason. Judgment: middling.
Still, in spite of all future-related anxiety, my family is one of the things I'm most thankful for this weekend. Along with the dog, pumpkin beer, health insurance and texts from Dan. And there's more. I can't list it all here, but it's a long list.
I forget that sometimes. The list of things that bother me is shorter, but it seems bigger. I worry that I'll never have enough money, and that I'll always be disappointed in my life. Of course they're slightly bound up in each other, and it's difficult to know which to attempt to fix first. If I make more money, will I feel like less of a failure monkey? Or if I do something I think is worthwhile, will I stop caring about the bank account? In any case, focusing on what's not happening doesn't make me any likelier to make something happen.
Furthermore, if I was handed a customer satisfaction survey for my life, I would check off a solid row of 3's for satisfactory. I'm a little directionless and debt-ridden, sure. But so many things are fine, there are so many things I lucked out in, that the small pleasures should be more than enough. It's a happy Thanksgiving - the pumpkin pie is more than enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment