Skate, Baby, Skate

Grace, beauty, strength, puffy shirts.

One of the great benefits of being doped up on Tylenol 3 this past week was an excuse to spend some quality time with sequins. The World Figure Skating Championships were on, which meant I was on the couch, considering the status of my favourite sport/art. Over the years my position on figure skating has mutated from outright contempt to secret shame and, finally, open support. It combines all of the things I love: athleticism... drama... headbands. It's opera with jumps, and ballet with blades.

It's also a sport that's having some problems.

In the '90s, skating seemed to have dug its toepicks into the fantasies of young women. But after a decade of judging scandals and North American talent lying fallow, things have changed. These championships were held in a minor league hockey arena, and skating revues are struggling not to close. As an interested observer, I'm wondering what the solution could be. Well, you can always pray that a spunky American girl can Cinderella-skate to gold, which would at least make a great movie. But part of a more reliable solution might be in fixing a fix - in other words, re-adjusting the scoring changes which were supposed to make the sport more objective. This seemed like a good idea, as I watched most of the men struggle through their free skate on Friday. Forced into throwing quads they couldn't land, which kept their points up but their spirits low, a few them looked like they would rather stab themselves in the neck with their skate than finish their routine. It's also difficult for audiences, who see clean skates score lower than trickier ones. If that fails, though, I recommend hiring whoever designed the Russian ice dancing costumes below to design all of the costumes from here to Sochi. Just think of the tie-in clothing deals you could run with H&M.