This past weekend I was in the throes of the "afternoon drunks," and decided to start an online dating profile.
It was a decision I regretted within an hour.
That was how long it took for some dude, high on male privilege and/or life, to message me an analysis of my personality based on my dating profile, ending with "How can you be more idealistic than you look if you don't even have a picture up lol" First, I didn't have time to put one up, second, I'm not very photogenic, third FUCK YOU and fourth lol, YOU ASSHOLE.
Anyway, I kept my profile up, lol, in spite of this small setback. Pinball Mike from 3030 met his current girlfriend through a dating site, and Pinball Mike is pretty great. Maybe I could meet the generic, Mr. Pibbs-version of Pinball Mike! So I felt somewhat optimistic when I got a message from another potential suitor. The hat was questionable, but at least it was clear that he had taken the time to read my profile. Before messaging him back I thought I would read it too. Bam. Married, and in an open relationship.
I will die alone.
No one will mourn my passing.
Except maybe the cats.
But all is not lost. When I texted my conclusions to my friend S, we agreed to die alone... together.
1 comment:
There's a nice Jewish boy who works at the bank near my house I want to introduce you to. :)
Online dating can be the pits. Sorry you had a rough first experience. You're all kinds of awesome and good-looking though, so no worries eh?
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