Crime and Crinolines: British Crime Shows and Period Dramas

My Mom lives on a diet of two kinds of DVDs: British Crime Series and British Period Dramas. The plot of the average British Crime Series is as utterly routine and comforting as a strong cup of tea. There is a crime, various suspects are presented, a piece of utterly circumstantial evidence is discovered, at which point the culprit makes a full and detailed confession. Here's some dialogue that could be parachuted in to the next British Crime Series the Guelph Public Library feels like buying:

Detective: But why, my lord, DID YOU LEAVE THE WINDOW OPEN?
Lord Evil Baddy-Diditmay: Yes, I did it, I'm glad I did it, I would do it again and here's how I did it. I purchased arsenic at the druggist's at tuppence* a pound, reduced from sixpence and four as Lloyd's had ordered a surplus...

The British Period Drama is no less formulaic, but instead of confessing to having been Colonel Mustard in the drawing room with the candlestick, the spunky heroine simply hones in on the biggest asshole within county limits and falls in love with him. Or: the rough idea of Pride and Prejudice gets some new togs. My mother and I are currently working our way through a fine example of this sort of British import. It's called South Riding, and it features Sarah, an idealistic young headmistress with two potential suitors, a Scottish socialist and a local aristocrat. Robert Carne, the local aristocrat, has unpaid bills, a mysterious illness, an incident of marital rape, a high-strung daughter and a wife in an institution. Most of us bring some baggage into our relationships, but he's one hatbox short being a full-on baggage car. Naturally, Sarah falls madly in love with him.

We're only two thirds of the way through, and I'm shocked the socialist hasn't become evil in some way. He can be excessively dogmatic or secretly in league with the capitalists, but either way, the path towards being Mrs. Carne must be cleared somehow. But then the first Mrs. Carne also needs to be conveniently offed much like the first Mrs. Rochester, so maybe they'll just have Carne succumb to whatever he's taking amyl nitrate for to keep things simple. Personally, I'm hoping that Lord Evil makes a crossover appearance and bashes him over the head with a chamberpot. In the oh-so period conservatory.

*I have no idea of the true meaning of "tuppence" or "sixpence", as with "bob" or "quid", but if the Brits couldn't be assed to figure out if I was Canadian or American, then I can't be assed to understand their funny money names. So there.