Eat Pray Love: Carnage At The Cinema

My general anxiety level was raised to code yellow (HORROR) recently. Why?

The reason stalks the land on two, long willowy legs, a bunch of pasta in its mouth, superficial Eastern spirituality on the brain, and a hot Brazilian... well, you know. It's also known as Julia Roberts as Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love: The Movie.

Ahhh! The horror! Alright, my issues with this movie aren't so much with Elizabeth Gilbert, or the problematic aspects of PrivLit, but with the biblio terrorism my Mom practiced when the book came out. I was at home for the summer after a miserable year at university, feeling depressed and unloved. At odd intervals, my Mom would compound problems by cornering me in the kitchen and reading out passages she found particularly amusing or enlightening.

When she was finished, I would remind her that I, too, could overcome my depression if she would only finance my round-the-world trip*. That never stopped her though. And since, considering the way my life is going, there is a 99.99999% chance I'll be moving back to Guelph soon as I relocate my life to Toronto, I'm worried she'll have another go at the memoir form of shock and awe. And while the movie is less portable, random snippets seem much more appealing compared to two hours held captive in a dark movie theatre.

*Working title: Stuff, Drink, Regret. Possible locations: Kansas City, MO; Moscow; Dark Night Of The Soul.