In The Attic: Not VC Andrews Related, Sadly

Don't let this fool you.

People, I come to you with a warning.

DO NOT TRUST THOSE CZECHS.

While the wingnuts down South were concerned about the Socialists, they were missing out on the real threat: Czech infiltration of the Montreal art cinema scene. Don't believe me? Check out the write-up for In The Attic Cinema Du Parc posted:

IN THE ATTIC is a full-length animated film for children, but also adults who haven't lost touch with their inner child, their sense of imagination or joy of playing.

Awww, you might be thinking, doesnt that sound precious? Why, it's like Wallace And Gromit meets The Velvet Revolution. Childlike whimsy with a dash of intellectualism, so you don't feel guilty about going out to the movies instead of picking up your Havel.

You would be wrong. Every part of that blurb was a damn dirty lie.

First, this is not a movie for children. It has a golden bust in sunglasses with detachable arms and lecherous intentions towards a plump, blonde doll. In an early scene, he gives her an obscene phone call. That's right, pack the juice boxes for the kiddies, because they'll love that.

The most hilarious and child-unfriendly moment comes after the evil bust's insectoid scientist has built a perfect replica of the doll. The bust calls all of his evil minions together to celebrate, and as the hordes of mask-faced bugs look on, he hits the music lights up the disco ball and the bass starts thumping. But the scene isn't over until the doll spoon feeds him jam.

I haven't tried any drugs that would make that make sense yet, but I'm pretty sure that if I did I would not be legally allowed to feed them to children. And taking them to this movie afterwards would move the charge from child endangerment to abuse.

The movie wasn't a complete waste and some aspects of the animation were inventive. I'm just not sure why they bothered, if they were only going to deliver a meandering head trip.