Protagitron Eats A Cherry on a Spoon in Front of the Cherry on a Spoon at the Walker Art Center1. The People: Minnesota seems to have been mostly settled by a race of kindly, blonde giants. "O, Giant, I'm not buying anything at YOUR store... but do you know where a store I will be buying from is?" "Oh ya, ya, just go through the intersection and it's right across from the restaurant. The owner was just in my store the other day. Do you want me to drive you?"
2. The Park at the Mall: What a wonderful idea. Gaze upon all of the wonderful things at Nordstroms you can't afford to buy, then you're off to eat some mini doughnuts and ride some mini rides. My favorite was the long ride, especially since all of the safety contingencies are pretty much on the honour system of "Don't stand up in your log ride, please". Also, there's a giant animatronic Babe with sinus problems and a giant animatronic Paul Bunyan who is possibly drunk. Maybe it's just because it's old, but Paul Bunyan's eyes don't open all the way and they roll back a lot. "Whoaaahhhrrrgh Baabe... warrrch out for the acshe, Baabe."
3. The Walker Art Center: I forced my poor roommate to take multiple pictures in front of the famous Spoonbridge with Cherry at the Minnesota Sculpture Park, to the point where it probably looked like I was at some kind of photo shoot (Make love to spoon! Feel the slush beneath your feet. Turn it out!) Then we made her friend pretend to be an elephant to replace the giant elephant sculpture we couldn't find. I also got really excited about spotting a Calder sculpture, since I've had a strange fondness for his work ever since I saw video of his genius mechanical miniature circus. The art collection was pretty good, and the Barney they had on exhibit didn't annoy me as his work usually does. But maybe that's just because I've always wanted a disco saddle. I found the main exhibit, silhouettes by Kara Walker, to be rather disappointing. Here's the WAC blurb on her: "Over the past decade, she has gained national and international recognition for her room-size tableaux depicting historical narratives haunted by sexuality, violence, and subjugation but made using the genteel 18th-century art of cut-paper silhouettes." Uh huh. It seemed puerile rather than provoking and the worst kind of lazy rebellion. The swampy backgrounds are beautiful in silhouette, but after a while all the limb chopping and giant cocks of just become boring.
4. Target: I know this isn't native to Minnesota, but Minnesota was my first exposure to the glory of the Target. It had become a Xanadu to me, a mythical place just out of my reach full of Mizhairi clothes and Oldham home items. The first time was a little disappointing, and I left with only some discontinued Sonia Kashuk brushes, but the second time I went in the Proenza Schouler clothes had arrived and Target was instantly redeemed. Alas, my boobliness barred me from all the cute dresses, but I still managed to pick up a really nice and versatile circle skirt. Well done, Target. And Americans- stop holding all of the wonderful target stores hostage. Free them to the North!
5. Cafe Latte: Great place in St. Paul to hang out with some one awesome like Katie. On the menu: scones with creme fraiche and raspberry jam. Under discussion: that biatch who told Katie she wiggled her way into the music faculty. My words of wisdom: "At least YOU don't have a mustache." Heaven.
