Introducing Dan

If you've been a long-time reader of my blog - that is, if you are my Mom - you'll know that I usually try and keep most of my personal life off of this blog. Not all, of course. A girl's gotta vent, and so you'll get the odd maudlin blog post or loaded list. But, today, I'll make a change.

Because I would like to tell you about Dan. Dan is a nice guy, which isn't that unusual, but he's also a nice guy who likes me - a historical anomaly. Just in the past twelve months I had a disappearing act, a casual thing who ended things for an ex, and the greatest foolishness of all - liking somebody in an open relationship too much. The reasonable conclusion was clear. If it's not them, it's you; if it wasn't my tastes, it was me.

So I wasn't in the best mental state when I first met Dan. I had decided to write to him because he reminded me a little of Aaron Rodgers in his profile photo. And even though he didn't look that much like my favourite quarterback in person, there was something likeable about him. I agreed to a second date, but that day he kept on pushing back our meeting time, and pushed it back so far that my phone died. By this point I was irritably waiting in a bar, depressed by the hummus plate, and completely unaware that he was waiting outside. In the rain. After half an hour, I left, only to run into a soggy Dan by the door. Naturally, a third date was in order, where we walked around for an hour before he neglected to invite me in to his house.

And, honestly, if he hadn't texted me to say he was foolish, I probably would have never seen him again. But he did, and I decided to see a movie at his house, and when we were both awkwardly sitting on his couch I decided that since he wasn't about to kiss me, I would kiss him. And I did. And, four months later, I am very glad I did.

To Minnesota (For Matrimony)

I keep on trying to write a post introducing a particular fellow. But now it's almost midnight on the day before I leave to see one of my best friends get - wait for it. So adulthood is on my mind, and pride and happiness for my friend. Until Sunday!

Book Pile for July 17, 2013

It's too hot for anything but this. A book pile. Red and pink edition:

1. Next Classic Read: Arsene Lupin, Gentleman-Thief by Maurice Leblanc
2. Next Canadian Read (whose cover I may have to hide on the subway): Maidenhead, Tamara Faith Berger
3. Current Classic Read: Demons, Fyodor Dostoevsky
4. Current Remnant of Pride Reading: The Naked Civil Servant, Quentin Crisp

Sometimes National Post Op-Eds Annoy. And That's More Than OK

This week Men's Rights Advocates in Edmonton crawled out from their Reddit subforum, and they brought some posters with them. Following Sexual Assault Voices of Edmonton's "Don't Be that Guy" campaign, they decided the world needed a matching "Don't Be That Girl", even if they didn't need to take any new photos for it. So they took the "Guy" pics, and with a little Photoshop magic, added the following statements: 

• "Just because you regret a one-night stand doesn’t mean it wasn’t consensual. Lying about sexual assault = crime"
• "Women who drink are not responsible for their actions, especially when sex is involved. Double standards"
• "Just because she's easy doesn't mean you shouldn't fear false rape accusations. Lying about sexual assault = an unpunished crime."

Reaction was - as the Men's Rights Advocates probably hoped - quick and loud. The story was picked up by the CBC and The National Post. The latter also found a female voice to speak out for the forgotten ones. For those who had been silenced and misrepresented for so long. For... the Men's Rights Advocates. In a column titled "Sometimes, assault accusations are false. A little awareness is OK," Robyn Urback let the feminists know that "... despite the tactless presentation, the message remains fair: Sometimes, women falsely accuse men of rape." And I would agree with that. Sometimes, that happens. Does that happen often enough to warrant an ad campaign equating false rape accusations with rape itself? An event that's possible, though improbable, compared to a crime of depressing prevalence that's likely to go unreported, according to this StatsCan doc, nine out of ten times? Or is this just another example of rape culture, a campaign which does nothing to support the falsely accused, and everything to tell women they're "responsible" - a word picked directly from one of the posters - for their own drunkenness, for their assault, and for having the audacity to just be women at all?

Now I did it. I used that phrase, "rape culture," which marks me as something more sinister than just a simple feminist, tapping ineffectually away on her keyboard. Because, according to Urback, "there’s also another sort of “rape culture” whereby any sort of critical analysis of an accusation is immediately rejected as “victim blaming.” And it looks like I'm a part of it. 

Pictured: one of two rape cultures from Mad Max III: Beyond Thunderdome. 

Which one? Couldn't tell ya.

I guess Urback thinks we're in some kind of Rape Thunderdome - Two rape cultures enter, one leaves! - but that little joke is not enough for this insulting column. I am pissed the fuck off that anyone can find something to salvage in this offensive campaign. I want Robyn Urback's work broken down to its component parts, and each of those then dismantled one by one.

And yet, that's too much for just one person to handle. Fortunately, an awesome friend of mine, Maggie Gordon, can slice Urback's assertion that "Statistics show that false accusations of sexual assaults occur about as frequently as false accusations of other crimes — somewhere between two and four per cent" to shreds in her excellent blog post, "Conversations about False Rape Allegations are Generally Full of Bullshit." And anyone with a basic grasp of figures should find something shady when Urback says that there are "countless stories of innocent lives being derailed by illegitimate accusations" and then mentions exactly two, neither of which happened in Edmonton, the target of this campaign.

I'll just take a look at Urback's argument that "the new posters around Edmonton inadvertently bring attention to their [people falsely accused of rape's] plight." Because they don't. They just don't. Urback herself does a better job of this. You won't see any victims of false accusations, or figures on imprisonment, in these posters. Just photos of anonymous women, called out for ruining men's lives. At least Urback found two anecdotes for her column. The idea that this isn't about men at all is obvious from the text as well, particularly in the third poster I mentioned. It starts off seemingly directed at at a male reader (Just because she's easy) before returning to tell the now female reader not to "be that girl." The second poster also does a poor job of sharing any sort of message about wrongfully convicted men - whining about double standards doesn't do much, except make you seem petulant. So, Robyn Urback, a little awareness is probably OK, but these posters don't even contain that. Perhaps you could try a little bit of self-awareness, and admit you're just searching for pageviews. 

And I'll do the same, and admit I regret the handful I'll send you through this post.

Domestic Sunday: Tailset Ginger Ale

I don't always regret the choices in my life, and how they've lead me to be paid, except under the following circumstances:

1. Going to the John Fluevog store
2. Contemplating the purchase of original art
3. Admitting that I will probably never be able to afford a living space with air conditioning

It's been the last fact I've felt the most this weekend, as Toronto descended into a puddle of sweat, and I went to Guelph to take refuge. Now I'm back, and typing makes me sweat. However, I may have found a beer that will make the heat and humidity bearable this summer:

It's the Tailset Ginger Ale from Grand River Brewing. Like Canada Dry, but at least 4.5% better. Avid readers (ie my Mom) will remember my love for ginger-flavoured beer. I became addicted to the Phillips version while living out in Victoria, but the Mill Street Ginger Beer I found in Ontario couldn't live up to my idealized brew. And even the bottles of Phillips that made their way eastward couldn't compare to the memories. However, this one was just right, with plenty of ginger flavour. It's the perfect thing to cut your thirst, and to make the humidity almost unnoticeable. I predict it will be a frequent guest in my fridge.

Book, er, Magazine Covers I Have Loved: Lucky Peach #7

What my feelings about Lucky Peach lack in articulation, they make up for in volume. I love food, and writing, so you know I must love food writing - and yet Lucky Peach often seems of a piece with the bro-ified food culture that's developed over the past few years, a culture nourished in a petri dish of social media and an available all-caps key. I have never properly recovered from an early roundtable, which featured Anthony Bourdain and a few other food bros having a dick-swinging contest about "craft." 

But maybe this cover (credit: Christopher Boffoli), and the promise of a feature on curry 'round the world, will bring me back. Nearly white covers are always striking on a crowded newsstand, and the miniature boat in a sea of milk and Lucky Charms is witty and, well, charming.